Dream A Little Dream of You

I had the strangest dream last night. Maybe its because of the chest pain that I had to endure which made me somehow realise that my time here may be up sooner than I expect it to be. Luckily, I survived to see dawn today but nevertheless now all the more I will live each day like my last.

Anyway, back to the dream. Strange because I thought I had totally given up on her. I had steeled my resolve by doing some rather nasty stuff and cutting all ties with her, including deleting her mobile number from mine. However, the dream was far from that. The dream was that we were happy together and holding hands and walking to some event that a friend of mine was participating. Weird considering that in this real world where she hates me like nothing ( she wants to murder me, thats how much she hates me now and the things I did), that is probably the last thing that will happen. You may wonder why I did all that since I want to be with her. The problem is two fold. Firstly she isn't serious about me in the first place, I know. The second thing is my health condition. Whilst until now I am okay, but medical investigations carried out previously had indicated a propensity for cardiac conditions, and judging by the frequency of chest pains I get the past few years, I can feel that maybe there will be a good chance that I will leave fairly early compared to my peers. No fucking way I am gonna start anything if I can't sort out my condition now. Maybe thats why I tend to live life to the extremes these few years especially with regards to human relations...