The Final Straw that Broke my back a.k.a Me the Camel

Somehow, when I saw you today in the lecture I knew that it was the final straw....I was sitting on the side of the LT. You came in with J(that gal friend of yours) and took a seat about 5 seats away from mine. When I saw you, I was hoping desperately that you'll see me and come sit near me...but no...and I laugh hysterically, almost maniacally (softly of course, it was in an LT) to myself at the irony of it all....Then you reserved a seat and after a while T came (well T was that other VS fella that I talked about) and the image stuck....In that instant I knew what I have to do...I know you may ridicule me but little things like that do matter to me. The irony is that with you the situation is always like that...at times I feel you so near that I can almost feel you but now you are so near yet so far away from me, just that we are not really fated I guess...I guess I have no chance with you anymore...After the lecture I walked out. I turned and had a final look at you and T walking outta the lecture...Final look, because from now on I will never look at you the same way again. I can't. So pardon me for what I am about to do, cause I'm gonna ignore you...I pray that you won't feel a thing when I get outta your life because I realised that I can never treat you as a friend any longer. I care too much to do so. Damn the friendship, because its getting painful for me to be friends with you. The way I laughed at myself when I saw that T was the one you reserved the seat for, never mind your motives at all, were not laughter of joy, its the laughter of realization and pain (yes, I am odd, I laugh when I feel pain, but really I only do that when its really extremely painful for me believe me...I guess its just an expression for me to stay strong and not break down in public I guess), made me realise what I should do. Why torture myself when even innocent little things you do can cause me pain even when you don't mean a thing? I care too much and its time to rein in those feelings I guess. So here I am at Starbucks writing this over a cup of Latte and thinking about the last few entries I wrote of you and thought about my chances with you now...I'm too late ain't I? Only got myself to blame...I'm a bloody camel now...a joke.