And I Pray That I Will See Another Sunrise

Dull...

The past few days since the last post had been rather dull for me... I couldn't go out much to take photos because of two factors... Firstly, the weather sucks. No longer are there blue skies and white clouds, replaced by shades of grey and white. How I miss those sunny days...

Secondly, my condition had worsened... I realised that today when I had to do some grocery shopping for mum... after just a few steps I gto out of breath and the pain in the chest worsened... the pain had been there for nearly a week now...striking me at the wee hours of the day when I am lying on my bed. This had proved to be much more painful than I thought.. But I literally had to be cruel to be kind. She wanted to be free, so I set her free. She didn't want the guilt, so I became the evil one in this... This relationship we had was literally killing me, I had to let go before I get myself killed.... but looks like this isn't getting much easier for me...at least one party is happy...

Reflections

Strange

Today was rather strange... arranged to meet with Ryan for a beer but in the end didn't happen... yes there was a little anger in that he was the one who postphoned but hey I can never be angry at him for long and besides, he's got a backache. Hopes he gets well soon...
But anyway I had my camera with me today, so I managed to keep myself entertained with more shots. Its a strange feeling to be doing all this alone again. And the pain in my chest is still there. But somehow I felt reliefed...strange

Tree in Black & White

Dream A Little Dream of You

I had the strangest dream last night. Maybe its because of the chest pain that I had to endure which made me somehow realise that my time here may be up sooner than I expect it to be. Luckily, I survived to see dawn today but nevertheless now all the more I will live each day like my last.

Anyway, back to the dream. Strange because I thought I had totally given up on her. I had steeled my resolve by doing some rather nasty stuff and cutting all ties with her, including deleting her mobile number from mine. However, the dream was far from that. The dream was that we were happy together and holding hands and walking to some event that a friend of mine was participating. Weird considering that in this real world where she hates me like nothing ( she wants to murder me, thats how much she hates me now and the things I did), that is probably the last thing that will happen. You may wonder why I did all that since I want to be with her. The problem is two fold. Firstly she isn't serious about me in the first place, I know. The second thing is my health condition. Whilst until now I am okay, but medical investigations carried out previously had indicated a propensity for cardiac conditions, and judging by the frequency of chest pains I get the past few years, I can feel that maybe there will be a good chance that I will leave fairly early compared to my peers. No fucking way I am gonna start anything if I can't sort out my condition now. Maybe thats why I tend to live life to the extremes these few years especially with regards to human relations...

Seeing the Light