The Evils of Instant Messenging

Yup, I said it, instant messenging is evil. Evil in more ways than ordinary folks can imagine. Well, IM is like a voracious monster, it sucks us all into it. Whenver I turn on the PC, I just turn it on. Its a tool, for us all not only to talk to each other, but pretty useful to spy on people, that makes it evil in itself. IM is a tool for people to communicate, yet the very act of spying on people is a barrier to communication isn't it? What you can't get or don't want the other party to notice, you spy. You look at his/her nick and make wild gusses and deductions. And if that even suggests anything, your mind goes into mush trying to figure out whats happening or imagining a crisis thats all inside your head, messing you up in the process. Evil right, it creates monsters and disasters in your brain without as much as a single word, a silent killer on par with drugs and fags I suppose. And the thing is, when you see a person that you like online, a funny thing occurs. You will look, you will see and try to look at pictures. You'll observe him/her coming on and offline. But you'll never get past the barrier of conversation sometimes...

Or maybe its just me.

Never Again?

Over the weekend I realised a thing, one that I found out from another course mate of mine. The tutorial last week for pol sci is the last for this semester, which means...I won't see her again. Hmm...why am I so pessimistic. Afterall the school isn't that big and surely you'll see her you say. Well, true, but it really means that I won't get anywhere near her now...Becuase w/o that tutorial that I shared with her, I won't have any reason to get anywhere near her now don't I? And honestly, I never think that I'll get anywhere near after this semester anyway. I dunno, it's a very warm feeling that I had when I'm with her...and I just feel at ease with the world and yah, you know what I mean. But deep down I know that this sorta thing never lasts long, its as if I'm cursed or something. I know I am going to miss those times where I get to take the same bus with her on the stupid pretext that I needed a change of scenary when in fact I just wanted to spend some time with her. But its okay I guess, made me realise that I'm alive and kicking, I feel relieved to know that I've not lost all of my humanity during the past two years where I've practically lost all my humanity and became vicious in order to survive. Now I don't have to. Sure this episode have been trying for me. But at least I get to have pretty good memories...Never Again? Maybe, though I still hope and want to be friends with her now that I've thought it through properly...

A World Without Hope

What would a world without hope be like? Is it the day flowers will cease to bloom, the sun never shines bright again? Where there is suffering without end? Where people fight endlessly without reason other than for the sake of resistance? Where the heavens roar with anger and the seas rise and swamp us? Where silent cries for help were met with deafening silence? What is it like living in a world without hope?

Wait a minute, ain't we living in such a world now?

New & Improved Friendster

*Grin* Hahaha, my Friendster profile is now new and improved for this season. Take a look if u will

Lost

Well, we all get lost at some point of our lives don't we. Now I'm at such a point where I feel lost, in fact I am lost. Lost in what sense? Well, I seem to know what I want. But more precisely, I know what I need to what. At some point between college and now I seem to have stopped talking to myself and communicating with myself. I know what I need to target for, to aim for in life. But I feel lost all the same. Why? Well, I know what I need to get here, and to a degree, Yes I am getting what I need. But recently I've been asking myself repeatedly a question that I no longer seem to have an answer for. What the hell do I want? Is this life the way I want it to be? Do I want myself to be like this now? Sure the results are coming in, but this is where I get lost. Seems to me that I stopped talking to myself a long time ago. I never do the things that I want to do now. Rather I do the things that I need to do now. I need to study to get good grades...I need to stay away from her because there can be no happy endings...I need this, I need that. But do I really want all this?

The power of Suggestion and the Self Fulfilling Prophecy

Kinda funny actually, but seems that these 2 tricks really work especially when I try to stay the fuck away from her. You see, I keep telling myself that I'm not good enough for her(suggestion) now she just somehow stays away from me like I foretold that she would. Strange that it actually came true when I told myself that I wished that she'll stay the fuck away from me so that she'll not compound my pain, and now presto, she stays away when I don't want her to. I walked right in front of her in the LT today to talk to a v.good friend of mine (the artillery officer) and hey, guess what. She did not see me...In fact she saw right past me, as if she didn't know me...well, maybe because I grew a moustache in about a week, but thats just excuses? Did she know about what I felt and obliged? Did my friend tell her...Fuck...