爱, 只是个错觉 = Love is just an illusion

What is love anyway? Now more so than ever, love to me seems nothing more than just an illusion , a unattainable thing and worse still, a false sense of happiness. Now why would I be so pessimistic. Because this time I'm stuck in a situation that is a sense of Deja Vu for me. Why? Yet again I have to fight with a friend over this 'happiness', and after that all I get is nothing but pain. I am gettig pained now. She's sick and there's nothing much I can do or even show any concern, because I never have a chance to. Love is an illusion of happiness that bounds us all in bondage, living in the false sense of bliss when in reality its pain in equal measures, perhaps even more. Love is what we all aspire to, yet love is the one thing that will screw us up the deepest, as I found out 5 years ago. Why the sudden pessimism after the optimism, the friend in you may ask? Well, as I found myself caught in this familiar sense of deja vu, I found myself slipping further and further away from the happiness that eluded me for so long and I find myself slipping into madness and irrationality again(Ryan, you know what I mean)....Over the years, as I see people make up and break up around me, I became cynical and retreat into this protective shell...I'm tempted to just let go this time, but...I don't know.

More Unspoken words....

Today was my sociology lecture. I hadn't expected to see you at all, since my lecture was in engineering side of the campus. Me and my pal D went back to arts to do some work on our Pol Sci module. After a while I left, its been a so so day for me, not much it seems. So I got to the interchange again...thinking about yesterday. I smile to myself, foolishly perhaps, thinking of you. I stood there, looking at the couple in front of me wishing...then, there was that familiar shadow. There you were! Walking towards the interchange seemingly lost in your thoughts....You walk past without saying anything. I look, not knowing why. Then I decided to go up and say hi. This time you finally saw me...We chatted a little, but too soon your bus came....Damn, it seems that fate again is intervening. I know I ain't suppose to see you today, but again Fate has come into the picture. You got on the bus and found a seat by the window. I look at you from behind the bus, just looking and trying to keep that look in my mind before you go. Then you look back. You look left then back. Oh that smile of yours....the day suddenly became so much better for me already...That smile is all that I need to remind myself what am I fighting for here. Again, you smiled and waved goodbye. I wave back with a smile. I turn back as my bus comes behind yours, smiling to myself. This time, I won't let it slip...You are the world to me...

True Word Unspoken...

I saw you in school today, looking different. Sporting a ponytail now and looking angelic as usual. Damn, I love that smile...Lecture's over, I walk outta the LT....There he was standing there near the door. I ask him whats he doing, he looks at the door hesitantly saying 'nothing' . Damn, I was right, he was waiting for you, he likes you as well. I can see that from the look in his eyes, that lost look as he looked at the door. At the moment, my heart sank. I know its tough now that I know....Sheepishly, he said that he was going to the library when actually he was just standing there. Gotcha....Anyway, I was doing the same thing as well, walking slow hoping to catch another glance at you, but I never did. I thought that maybe I shouldn't go home just as yet, so off to the library I went. But he wasn't there, which just confirms my suspicions....Going to library is a lie....Anyway, I tried to study but frustration took hold in 15 minutes, so off I went, slowly walking to Kent Ridge Interchange...I walked slowly, thinking about you and him, thinking that I'd never stand a chance...no hope in hell...As I walked towards the interchange, I spotted a familiar face...The face...the look, the ponytail....damn, its you at the interchange! Strange, you never come here.You were with a friend. I walked up to you, as cooly as I could muster, and said hi. You said hi, and smiled. Damn....that smile of yours...brightens up my day definately....More than once now, when I had a terrible time, just one smile from you is all that it takes to brighten up my entire day. You said that you were going out with your friend....I tried to be cool and fails miserably, I'm sure you can tell how awkward I get when I'm with ya. I'm such an idiot. Anyway, soon the bus you take came and then with another smile, you said goodbye to me. Damn, that smile again. The one smile that can turn night into day, cloudy days to clear skies. As you walked up the bus, I look wistfully wishing I have more time with you. But meeting you here was a chance of fate already and I shouldn't ask for more. But I really can't help myself when I feel this way.And then you found a seat and sat down. You look at my direction. You must've seen that look in my eyes. Then you smiled again and waved goodbye again. I waved back and I think to myself...Coward, why do I fear competition? That smile is all that I needed to get my courage to face competition. Your smile is the one thing that reminds me what I am fighting for. Your smile is the one thing that I feel I can survive anything with. I know what I want. I want You.

The (F)Airer Sex

Seeing my dear friend's diatribe against members of the fairer sex, I thought I might add a few things that I wished they knew...

1) Like you women, every man is different. Do NOT, I repeat, DO NOT lump us in the same category with the other trash you see in the streets mistreating their girlfriends/wives/what nots. Guys like us have a little more class than that.

2) Just because we don't play a lot of sports and we prefer to spend a quiet afternoon with you in a nice cozy little corner knowing you doesn't make us any less man than the ruffian out there. Proof that we are indeed men is inside our pants. The question is do you DARE to find out how 'man' we are when the going gets tough, when adversity strikes and even those 'man' guys will cower in fear. These are situations where we'll laugh in the face of adversity and relish challenges at every turn. Does it get more 'man' than this, we being suckers for torture and still be able to listen to you?

3) We have a dick and we do occasionally think with our small heads, but that doesn't mean that we think of fucking you every single minute. When we say you look cute in a skirt, we really mean that (or rather I really mean it...). It doesn't mean that we wanna get into ya skirt, just that you look pleasing (I swear, cross my heart...) to us, and we like you for that. Get it into your head and get used to it

4) When we say we like (or love you), you better believe it. Guys like us don't say that easily. Or if its the normal 'manly' guy out there, you can assume he's lying. He's probably trying to get into your skirt and add to his trophy list (hey, its all about competition...)

5) When we really fall for ya, we'll go head over heels over head over heels. Be used to be treated like a Goddess, for we shall worship you and throw ourselves at your feet. Be with us (the gentler sort of men) and you'll be the happiest woman alive. That is not a promise, that is a guaran-damn-tee.