Whiskey and Coffee

Life is a little like whiskey and coffee. One is light yet strong, and makes you kinda drunk. The other is dullish and though there's variations, at the end they mostly taste roughly the same. Why can't I mix both, get the excitement of the former with the stbility of the other? Problem is you really can't mix both...

Whiskey

So here I am, enjoying a glass of johnny walker in the comforts of my own home. Thinking and musing about life and what I have just gone through. Yet another chance gone by...well, not exactly. You see there wasn't a chance in the first place. So now I'm just sipping my whiskey(no I am not drinking to solve my problems and nor am I an alcoholic) and thinking. Thinking about the present and the past. Thinking about what happened 5 years ago, and thinking about all the many stuff that occured in between. Thinking about life actually. Somehow I think that I'm being unfairly treated by life here, but thats how life is I guess, win some lose some. Results may be good, but relationships is another matter, so far straight F. Its kinda hard to have faith I guess, especially when I no longer can tell what to do or who to trust sometimes. Life is tiring but I know I'll just have to keep on going. Like my friend who told me, I think that eventually something good will occur, but until then I'll still be on this rollercoaster of life...

Cutting the string

Isn't it wonderful when you have friends who know the person you like and you can see that person's friendster profile. Talking to my best buddy in uni who knows her, suddenly a lot of issues became clear. For reasons I shall not elaborate, I have decided on a course of action. Yup, cut the string. Like my friend the cursed one says, on the thin line between fate and choice. I Choose.

Essays Essays Essays...And Blockages

Yup, Its wonderful being in school. Essays due and here I am trying to rush out my essay. But then things just stop. For some reason I got a mental blockage...
Mental blockages are wonderful things. I know it suxs when you are trying to complete a task in a hurry. The lesson learnt here is don't do last inute work, it'll invariably lead to blockage. But it's good. At the moment of blockage suddenly your mind clears. You take a breather and relax. You lie back (*a little while only...) and suddenly you sense things you never really sensed before. You hear the traffic, you smell the (hopefully) clean fresh air, your mind is but a complete blank, there only to savour that moment. And then you are ready to start afresh again. Mental blockages are our brain's way of saying enough. So take a breather and relax...

At the end of a string

Sometimes, I really feel like a puppet. Yah, thats how I feel when I'm with you. Everything you do just thugs on my heart. I'm like the puppet that hangs at the end of the string, unable to move on my own. You gave life to me, made me feel complete. But in the end, I know You're gonna leave me...

Please don't care about me, please dun find out stuff about me. Please don't come near me, please spare me. I don't wanna meet you, I don't wanna walk with you, I don't wanna please you, I don't wanna fall for You. I know you're gonna walk away, so please don't care about me.

I'm gonna ignore you, I'm gonna stay away from you. I will not look out for you, I will not look at you. I will not glance at you in lecture, I will not look for you in class. I will I Will I WILL...

But I will not. I will not avoid you. I can't. I will not stay away from you. I won't. I can't ignore you, I can't not look at you. If you see me, you'll see all that I am, a puppet on the string

New House

Crap...my suspicions got confirmed...she's read my friendster page. Thankfully I removed the blog before she saw what I wrote. Aww...crap

Living In a Trainwreck

Kinda Sad when life's so outta control for me...of course schoolwork's crap...my human relations are crap...damn, for some reason I just can't treat her as a normal friend. In my puny brain I'm chemically imbalanced that is processing whatever she do as the wrong type of signals...So here I am, living in a train wreck and getting onto the bus with her again. And you know what... I actually like the wreck at the moment...Gives me a nice dark corner to hide in rather than face cruel reality, of course I know stuff that unfortunately can't tell my friends, but all I can say to them is that I'm sorry that my moods are depressing them, please forgive me for there are some terrible things I know that unfortunately I can't share. ..
Being with her is like being in a sanctuary, everything seems so...peaceful. At least then I can just pretend that everything in life is wonderful. It is, I got friends and family, I know that they all care a lot about me (thanks shik n erhm...Mister Knight...hahaha, u know who you are..)Just some things that I know of that is making me think of life real hard...

I know the time with her is limited...soon the semester is over and with all likeliness I'll never, ever see her in classes again...That means no more bus trips and meetups...honestly it sux. But what can I do?

What can I do indeed...

Shift and a New House

Yup, shifted from friendster blogs to here when i realised that there are people whom i don't want to see my musings looking at the blogs...damn irritating. Now I'm starting on a clean slate and hopefully she won't find her way here...